Free To Be Me

Many have said, not to share your personal business with the world.  Well I am not a shamed any more, for I was the victim; and I cannot help but be open about who I am.  I am over what happened to me as a child.  I hold no bitter indignation against my perpetrator.  When I realized I was pregnant with my daughter I reached out by letter to my sister who moved away from home, to another state; never to return.  No! she did not respond to my letter; which stated I forgave her.  I briefly heard her voice in 2001 when mom passed away.  My oldest sister had contacted her, so she was just returning that call.  It was 1982 when I saw last her.  Many of my siblings will not like the fact that I am sharing so much information; But I own the rights to this story.

I wondered around angry and hopeless for many years, I was quick to curse you out and fight as well.  When I thought I had found great friendships in certain people, things would take a negative turn; and there I was back in a bad situation.  Some my fault and of course some of the blame belong to the other person.  Such as the evangelist who came on to me from a particular church, and when all hell hit the fan, everybody wanted to completely blame me.  But those who really knew me like Mina, Ann, Lynn and Betty, knew when I shared what happened.  They knew my truth and assured me, they were behind me.  I love them for that.  Two of those ladies have since passed, but shall never be forgotten.

For those two ladies help make me a better person, I know the task was hard.  I might have added a few gray hairs to their head.  They should patience and love, something that went lacking since I could remember.  God knows just who to place in your life.  Not everyone was good for me, so it was my job to know the difference.  Which I failed to do  from time to time.  I always gravitated towards the wrong people; I had to learn to do better.  Mina and Ann was always there to give me their input.

After so much turmoil, anger, and anguish in my life, I needed to seek counseling.  I counseled with both Christian and secular counselors.  I secluded my self for a couple of years, not going of the house for anything but groceries, and to walk the dog.  My daughter and I spent a great amount of time in Colorado. To experience change.  But people are people no matter where you are.

One day I ran across the daughter of my friend Ann; she invited me to her church.  I received my break through that day.  I cried and cried, it was unbelievable, God had touched my heart giving me the release/relief and cleansing I needed.  I thought I had already received that break through, when mom had apologized on her death bed.  A lifting of the spirit had come over me, it was if my heart sank to my stomach.  It felt so good, I no longer had that desire to seek out that older motherly figure, I once thought I needed.

So when I listened to Tyler Perry’s interview, and thought what an amazing man, to financial take care of this person who abused him as a child.  It could only be God, all knowing and all powerful.  I am free to be! At last!

ENCOURAGE YOURSELF: Get the necessary help that is needed to help make you a better person, whether it is counseling, giving your life to God, worshipping, self help videos, anything that will help you in a positive manner.  Find yourself doing just that.  The bible says in Proverbs 18:21  Death and Life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.




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