It should not hurt to call you my family

It hurts to call you family

Family, my beautiful nieces allowed my daughter and I to experience something that only family can do. Family should be everything,  but often times it’s not, especially in today’s world. We as people are so self centered,  we are lovers of ourselves just as the Bible states. If family means anything to you, you will make a change. If you have any common decency in your heart, you will make a difference, and it should not hurt to call you family.

During this opportunity to speak to some adult nieces recently, my heart was full of joy. I know you are wondering what’s the deal. This is the deal, it was explained to my daughter and I that they grew up thinking their mother’s sibling didn’t care for them, and it was mind blowing because it was never the case. My heart was overwhelmed by the words these beautiful ladies expressed to us. The heart’s strings that were tugging at each of us, filled our eyes with tears, and a sense of relief.

Our conversation was incredible because as grown intelligent women I had never had a real chance to speak to them or even took time to be involved.  I was in my own world dealing with the hurt, the anger, and just trying to make it from one day to the next. Not to mention the fact that we have the most dysfunctional family I have ever known. Hurt that today, still runs rampant throughout the family from generation to generation. Something I learned more of yesterday.

But this is the sad part about all of this, even through the stealing, the discord, the molestation,  the abuse of power, the lack of being or trying to be a family, the main siblings and their children’s children, they still want to cover up, and be angry because you dare to speak your truth. I tell you, if it is not discussed, if it is not dealt with or you choose not to break the cycle, history just keeps repeating it self.

A question my niece asked, was, why didn’t anyone help? I had no real answer upon speaking to her, but afterwards I thought more about the question.  I even shared it has my only sister I do speak to. Her answer was as lame as the answer I had in my head. We were too hurt to involve ourselves,  we were selfish and unconcerned. I know, no other way to put it. We were immature, we knew nothing of love, nothing of being a family. We failed these beautiful nieces, our nephews, we failed each other.

Out of the 12 siblings, we are now down to 10. But after my daughter dared to post a “in your face type of post”, breaking all the rules of the family on Facebook , I believe in my heart that my siblings don’t care to be healed. They would rather we sweep it back under the rug, never to be mentioned again. This article mentioned things that normally one would not say out loud.

After posting the article, the comments she made stirred the pot, causing some to become very angry. Which spoke volumes to me about whether these folks, wanted to be healed, whether or not the chains could be broken and the curse stopped. It leaves me wondering if the cycle of molestation would continue to wreak havoc on this family. If the male children and men would continue to look upon the nakedness of our females in this family. If our little babies,  girls, and boys can ever be safe left unattended with certain individuals.

Will it be my brother again, with his grandchild? Or will it be my sister’s grandson? Will this cycle ever stop? Or will the foul damnable spirit plaque this family continually? Leaving us to take our secrets to our graves? I know there is hope, anytime you believe God’s word, there is hope. My nephew Malik said, “this is a matter for God”.  I agree, but first honesty has to come first.

Especially when we have no matriarch or patriarchs to help guide this family values in the responsible direction. Not one! Even worse than not having a mature honest God fearing leader in the family, my siblings and I have not stepped up to the plate. The one that put themselves in that leadership position,  or maybe was in some sense of the word, placed their by my mother has failed us miserably. Family is not her goal, love is not her goal, nor is it togetherness.

With the various post, such as the one Courtney posted just leaves them wanting to turn a death ear to the situation.  But these ladies said “No”. and for that we are grateful.  I was simply in awe. Courtney and I had no idea that the conversation with these ladies would have been this great. It is now our covenant to each other that we would move forward. That we would choose to forgive, to love, and to get to know each other. Brenda and Rhonda we love you!

After speaking to my nieces,  my daughters cousins, we were in shock, the emotions that flowed as I was sitting in the car, was powerful, of course Courtney always feeds off of me. Trying my best not to cry, my heart was full, and if no one else decides they want to change. God has already giving me one of the best gifts, my beautiful nieces Brenda and Rhonda. Most of all, my daughter now has two female cousins she can call friend, that she can look up to. Because of their experiences,  their pure beauty, and their hearts full of love and acceptance.

Encourage Yourself: This post was never to hurt anyone, but to get their attention and to speak truth, but when you are in denial, you will stay in bondage. Instead of getting the facts, opening up, sharing your thoughts or concerns, you have allowed your hurt to display a great amount of anger. You might not ever admit it, but the family needs help. As you progress through your day, take time for family.

I know you are even more angry at me today than ever before, I know you call me the trouble maker, and you never want to deal with me, but all of this is okay. It took years for me to get over not being loved by my mother, or the feeling of being unwanted. The physical abuse that took place in our house, not just from mom, but from most of the older siblings. The MOLESTATION or the fact that you made it your life’s goal to make things miserable for me, even when I was a teen. I am better today!

I also know you cannot face truth, that the chains that bind you are more than you can handle or even willing to handle on your own. There is help for you my sister, my brother,  my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, my father, my step-father, my step-mother, my teacher, my pastor, my coach, for you are my enemy. It should not hurt to call you, family.  For the family who choose to heal, who chooses to break the curse, I salute you. God looks upon this family and is greatly disappointed, we were a family that grew up in church, so there should have been some type of standard of godliness. Yet we have shamed Him with our weak, feeble minds, lusting after our siblings. Shame on you brother, uncle, cousin, shame on you sister.

Your pride has altered your thinking, your decency has vanished, and your greed is the death of someone you claim you love. Only the strong will survive, the truth will prevail, and your soul will live forever in the pits of hell. Those who choose to be honest will have peace, and joy unspeakable joy,  and their future days will be better than their former days. We take a stand against PEDOPHILES,  against MOLESTATION and any other foul spirit that peaks it ugly head in our lives; remember it should not hurt to call you family. AND YOU SHOULD NEVER LOOK UPON MY NAKEDNESS. This 14th day of July we say no more.

To every person who has been abused, or know someone who is being abused. Tell a teacher, tell a reliable family member,  call 911 immediately. Don’t wait! Record that person if possible, their actions or conversation, and report it at once. FOR HELP CALL,  HOTLINE 800-656-HOPE / (800) 656-4673

You ROCK Brenda and Rhonda, Love Anita and Courtney 



    1. Yes they are, unfortunately it’s not always that way. I am glad you were able to share. Maybe if you feel comfortable you can share more, we are here to help. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone.


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