Choosing the right partner

How to Choose the Right Partner
Choosing the right partner is a controversial topic; there are a lot of theories flying around the internet, you hear some self-acclaimed love gurus, love doctors etc. giving steps or rules you need to follow before meeting the right one. The truth is no one can tell you who to choose as your life partner, you alone have the power to decide whom you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The best anyone else can do, is to guide you on how to choose the right partner. Nonetheless, not all “guidelines” is the right one. The good news is, I came across something great, something that will help you to know the right person to choose, or at least, know what to look for when planning to settle down.

All right then, let us get to the point, shall we?
There are a few pointers you need to look out for when choosing a partner, but the main point is, your partner must be your mate. Before you disagree with me, listen or in this case, read on! The word “mate” in this context does not mean your age mate. It means your “match” someone you are in sync with.

Genesis 2: 18 according to the New Living Translation version, it says “Then the Lord God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper who is just right for him”.

The above verse shows us that it is not enough to get a partner; you need to get the right one. So wipe off this mentality of “just anyone one will suffice” no, that is not God’s intention for you and me.

Six things to look out for when choosing the right partner

Spiritual Mate

Marriage is beyond social union; God is the inventor of the marriage institution, and if God is a Spirit, then marriage is a spiritual union. It will be a disaster waiting to happen if you marry someone, whose faith is different from yours. Forget what you watch in the movies, Amos 3:3- “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

2 Corinthians 6:14-18- “14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

15) And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

16) And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

17) Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

18) And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.”

Joshua 23:11-15- “11 Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the Lord your God.

12) Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you:

13) Know for a certainty that the Lord your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the Lord your God hath given you.

14) And, behold, this day I am going the way of all the earth: and ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls, that not one thing hath failed of all the good things which the Lord your God spake concerning you; all are come to pass unto you, and not one thing hath failed thereof.

15) Therefore it shall come to pass, that as all good things are come upon you, which the Lord your God promised you; so shall the Lord bring upon you all evil things, until he have destroyed you from off this good land which the Lord your God hath given you.”

These verses show us the importance of marrying someone who believes in the same God as you. Believe it or not, the spiritual controls the physical. Check, or observe if you are compatible with your would-be spouse before popping the question or before saying yes to him.

Speaking Mate
Communication is a key factor if you must enjoy your relationship; you need to marry your “speaking mate”. Have you ever wondered why some men prefer to spend late hours in bars, clubs, with their friends, instead of spending this precious time at home with their wives? It is because there is a dichotomy in communication with their spouses. Some complained that they could not engage their spouses in any meaningful intellectual discussions.

Let me quickly say this to married couples out there; take time to one or two things about what your partners like to do. If it is sports, then try to understand the game, if your wife loves to watch soap opera, then learn to watch it with her… be genuinely interested in her world. This is one of the things marriage is about, sacrifice. For the unmarried, if you cannot bend for your would-be partner, then no need forging ahead. You will end up frustrating not only yourself but your partner.

Your schoolmate in this context means flexibility; someone who can learn and improve with you, and not someone who is rigid- the Mr. or Ms I KNOW IT ALL. It is dangerous to marry someone who does not give room for improvement- they love the way things are and do not see any reason to change the old ways or accept innovations. Marriage is an institution, and you keep learning until you leave this world; you need to marry someone who is ready to learn with you.

Sex Mate
Some of us can be so hypocritical when it comes to sex especially Christians, we preach everything, but dodge this topic. Sex plays a significant role in the success of any marriage, irrespective of your Faith. Sexual feeling is not a sin; if you are not emotionally attracted to the person then why marry him or her in the first place? Stop being too “spiritual” or are you Holier than God who created marriage?

It does not matter how spiritual you both are; one thing is sure- you will not be praying, studying the Bible, singing hymns, all through the day. You will flirt, romance, and have sex with your partner. So if you want to be happy in your marriage, marry someone who you can connect with sexually.

Social Mate
It pains me to see married men and women attending social gatherings without their spouses, and they are comfortable going alone. This is not right; it gives room for the devil to enter your home through his many tricky ways. Marrying someone who you cannot boldly introduce to your colleagues at work, friends, clients, etc. is wrong.

If you are not proud to show your spouse off anywhere, anytime and to whomever, then do not bother planning eternity with him/her because your spouse, even though they may not complain about it, they will feel rejected, and it is one of the many reasons of low self-esteem. If you want a happy home and marriage, marry someone who you are socially compatible with. Also, you cannot force an antisocial person to be social, look for your social mate to avoid clashes of interests.

Spending Mate
Money is essential, even though this may sound superficial, it is not; there are many expenses to handle in marriage, and you need money to solve them. A selfish man in courtship will not suddenly become Santa Claus in marriage. Ladies, it is dangerous to marry a stingy man; you will be frustrated and may end up being the “man” in the home.

Likewise, men, do not marry a lady who believes in this philosophy “ my husband’s money is our money, but my money is my money” it is suicidal. Marry a contributor and not just a consumer. When both parties are ready to spend and be spent for the success and growth of the family. Marry someone who is ready to work, and believes that there is dignity in labor.

Final thought
It is possible to see all six traits in one person; you do not need six different women or men to enjoy all these traits. Furthermore, to get the best, you need to be the best; work on yourself, develop yourself while you wait for the best, you can be all the listed criteria for the man or woman that want to marry you.

As for the married couples, it is never too late to work things out, so long you are willing to learn and be the change you want to see in your marriage.

Encourage Yourself: Lastly, God is interested in your relationship, and He wants you to be happy, He has promised that none of us shall lack our mate. Isaiah 34:16,
God has not forgotten you, your perfect mate is on the way, but you need to develop yourself while waiting for your mate.

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Encourage yourself through giving, you'll find that you are more blessed because of it
For writing gigs please reach out to Joy.


  1. Courtney you have beautifully described how to chose the right partner. However, all those things match with two individuals and they love each other but they still could not go on the same path. Culture also play an important role. It depend which part of the world you live.

    Liked by 1 person

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